I know how you are feeling mate..I lost a dog (Toby) a few years ago..When the vet told me its best we let him go i was very up-set.. I kept his ashes for many years..Then one day (after about 7 years) I made a trip to Weston Pier and laid him to rest....
Cheers,sorry to here about Toby,we do get close but i guess thats what its all about or otherwise we would not have them,we still have 3 and 2 of them are her son and dauhter and the other is just the family scallywag

so a little bit of her is still with us i just counldn't face getting the ashes although it is getting easyier but hell it hurts,
Cheers Scuderia